When you are young, you have an opportunity to pick a companion, most are going for one that will last a while. There are many choices. You really need to choose wisely. This is not so easy to do. How do you know what the future holds?
There is a movie scene in Indian Jones and the Last Crusade that reminds me of this choice. In searching for the Holy Grail before entering the temple there were a series of goblets displayed. Some sparkly decorated with jewels and carved craftsmanship. The knight guard says only two words, “choose wisely”. If you pick the correct goblet and drink from it, you will have eternal life while remaining within the temple. Choose poorly and well…it doesn’t end well.
With twenty three years of marriage experience, I do have some knowledge about marriage. Most importantly, you need to find someone that has the same overall goals. Whether or not children are a plan for your family and to some extent how they will be raised religiously. Other helpful things are your interests. And how you work together on problems, because make no mistake, there will be problems. Now the co-dependency issue, better not have this, you both need to be strong independently. And have your interests separately and together. Be willing to give and compromise or find middle ground. It helps not to criticize. And some things I’ve learned from recovery, validate and take responsibility for what is yours…applies here as well.
Does this seem like sound advise? Just realize, when you get old, your body will too. You won’t always look as good as you do in your twenties. Looks will fade, for everyone. So understand there is more to a relationship than a youthful attractive appearance alone. Always be truthful and loyal. Establish, recognize and respect who is responsible for what and ask for what you need.
I met my husband in my twenties and at the time knew what I was looking for. I completed my education, and could take care of myself. I had dated, knew I wanted a family and tried to find someone that would match up with my vision of the future. I met my spouse at work. We solved a mutual problem for a customer together. I think that is a great start. I love that story. Thinking back now, it seems like it was easier times. It wasn’t, just seems like it now. He plays old music that makes me think back to those times and how much older we are now.
My husband celebrates 1/2 a century of life. Of which he has been with me for almost half the time. Hard to believe. No one goes through life skating through. We’ve had our ups and downs too. The most important thing is to stick with it. Of course if there is abuse, you have to get out. Luckily this has never been the case. I asked God a long time ago to help me find a person that would be my life companion. And I promised to be a good mother. I choose wisely.